Sunday, September 16, 2012

Like En Vogue says: "Never gonna' get it, never get it."

Recently, I have had an abundance of inappropriate croaks to choose from.  I'll list a few for entertainment as well as instructional purposes for any frog readers. 

If you are a frog finding that you want to verbalize these things, DON'T!  At least until it is an appropriate time in the RELATIONSHIP!  There, I said it.  If you're not in the market for a relationship with this person, drop the comment or question.  Leave the poor Princess to find another frog that will mind his manners!

*What size bra do you wear?- If they're attractive to you, enjoy them.  If not, hop along!  You probably don't even know what the sizes mean anyway.
*How much do you weigh?- Again, if it looks good, enjoy it.  If not, hop along!  Age and weight are nuthin' but a number.  
*Will you send me a risque pic?- If you have to ask, DON'T!  Use the internet to get your rocks off, sir. 
*Do you mind paying, I left my wallet at home?- This is harsh, tough love here, but if you can't remember your personal belongings why should she?  Mistakes happen, but this kind should not until a secure relationship is in place. 
*Can you pick me up?  I don't have a car and my Mom won't let me borrow the car.- Unless we are still in high school, never EVER say this!  Work out transportation yourself.  Show her (and your family) that you can arrange things and survive on your own. 
*I ignored your attempts to contact me because I was considering another woman.- Just don't!  If you have to consider another, do it quietly.  Keep in touch so as to not burn bridges.  Think about it, man!  I mean if I am a girl giving you this advice, obviously I am smart enough to think it through.  Use your head- the one on your shoulders!
*Can I borrow some cash?- Get a damn job, man! 
*How good do I look?- Eat a Snickers!  You sound like a diva!

And these aren't so much comments or questions as they are behaviors that should be tamed:
*Texting or calling her while she's with her friends, colleagues, or at a party without you.- If you don't want her texting you during your time out, leave her alone!  The Golden Rule will never let you down.
*Bodily sounds or functions.- Rude and uncalled for.  Excuse yourself to the bathroom, dude! 
*Not speaking after your team loses.- Get over yourself!  You didn't do a thing to help the "team" out besides drink beer and eat chips on your sofa. 
*Mistreating pets.
*Talking about past relationships at all in any detail during the first several dates.- Keep your past in the past!  If it's still troubling you, you shouldn't be dating.  If you're proud of it, be proud of it quietly.  If you're trying to make yourself look like a pompous, uncaring asshole you're doing a mighty fine job! 
*Airing your bad habits and quirky traits.- Maybe I'm being a little tough here, but you shouldn't go into details about how annoying or disturbing you are unless you intend on running her off.  Speak in generalities and by all means do not seem proud of being OCD and stuck in your ways!
*Insisting that churchgoing must be completed each week sitting right beside his family.- I am all for attending church together.  However, if it has to be at the same time as your parents in the very same row, what are you trying to prove?  The later service is just as Holy.  There are plenty of hymnals in the third row instead of the back. 

Princesses, I thought this might be a little fun to read over.  Feel free to add in your own suggestions!

Frogs, if you are not seeking a relationship get off of dating websites!  Use the internet for other purposes, get out and get a "massage", or buy a girl a drink or three.  If you intend on being an asshole, not wanting to put your best self forward, are not in the position to court someone, are not interested in her...hop along and enjoy yourself!  There's no sense in hurting a Princess who is looking for that! 

Carry on, fellow hugs and kissers!  MUAH!



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