Friday, September 14, 2012

Douchy Asshole

This one is being written in a state of shock, anger, and absolute disappointment in the male species! 

I have been kicking ass lately!  I was accepted into Grad School which I start on October 11.  I have been doing a kick ass boot camp, Rockstar Fitness, for two weeks along with a low carb diet and have even gone a little over two weeks without soda- big feat for me since I used to drink two 20 oz. Dr. Pepper's a day!  Basically, I continue to work on myself.

I was feeling all confident and shit and decided to check out my profile to see what's going on last night.  I end up finding a message from a guy responding to my Date Spark.  My Date Spark idea was a Ranger's game where there is culture, fun, excitement, sports, and the chance to be on Kiss Cam.  I responded to his message and we started getting to know each other.  Today, he asked me out for this weekend.  But, tonight I was staying in to do laundry, watch a movie and drink some wine.  We chatted anyhow. 

He sent a bathroom pic of himself (not an actual picture of hot) and asked for one in return.  I declined and the conversation stops.  The next text was over an hour later stating that I was "too much and then not enough.  Good Luck." 

Really?  You'd like a tacky bathroom pic before you've even met or courted me and I am expected to oblige because you are a narcissistic idiot!  No wonder you "haven't found the right woman!"  Talk about insecurity and really not even wanting to put forth the effort to have a date!   

I am absolutely OVER guys online about how they are seeking this "right girl" and holding out for marriage, etc.  when, in fact, they either get what they want and move along or don't want to put in the time and effort to attain this "right girl".  Why not just write a profile that says "Hey, I can't or don't want to make it out to the local bar, strip club, or "massage parlor"- plus, I'd rather just pay $39.95 per month and run through a gamut of unsuspecting females that are actually looking for what I'm marketing myself as."   

Is that too forward for me to put on my profile as an example of what I'm NOT looking for?  Sure, I could play your game and be playful and flirty.  Been there done that, ruined plenty of smoky eyes over that game!  You'll end up getting bored or carving that knotch in your bedpost and heading along to the next one.  I'm about at the point where I'm just going to drop the whole being interested in dating or getting to know people because lately each one has been disappointing, hurtful, misleading, or hasn't figured out what the hell they want out of their own lives!  I am not only worth more than that, I deserve and expect entirely more than that!     

Listen, I might not have it all together.  I might not have my entire life planned out.  I know who I am, what my morals are, and I'd at least like to have a few good dates and get to know you before I go taking self portraits in my bathroom mirror.  I figure you'd probably rather see it in person anyhow.  Maybe this is the new species of men and how they "court" a lady.  If so, I am out! 

I am constantly working on myself.  I realize that I interrupt people because I get so excited to say what's on my mind.  I understand that that is annoying and rude.  I realize that I am overweight and out of shape.  I am working on that!  I will be the first to admit that being such does not encourage me to want to snap bathroom pics of myself (and send to complete strangers)!  I might not know exactly what I want my perfect man to look like.  It is a fluid idea for me.  He will just "be", I always imagine.

That being said, I am a helluva catch- which is not bragging!  I am a commodity this day in age!  I am 32, single, never married, never engaged, never cohabitated with anyone, I am over my exes and do not bring them up on dates!  I am not your Dallas size 2 bleach blond, but I am the "right girl" for the kind of guy who wants a REAL GIRL. 

I am tired of being disappointed, getting my hopes up to even have a night out with a member of the opposite sex who is not a member of my family, and to be further disappointed when he rears the ugly head of ex-girl talks, requests for asinine, entirely too forward, and completely inappropriate snapshots, and ones that think by my having extra weight makes me a troll, contagious, or somehow sick. 

The guy who will deserve my excitement should be:
  • Above all else, a gentleman!
  • Christian
  • Ambitious without being married to his work (or another woman)
  • Handsome- in his own way, no real description here
  • Pretty eyes and a nice smile
  • Educated
  • Healthy, takes care of himself and encourages those around him to do so without pressure or judgment
  • Will take his time getting to know and dating me
  • Does not have a temper or easily angered!
  • Smart, funny, respectful, compassionate
  • Willing and able to commit
  • A best friend
That's just a few that I could think of tonight.  Maybe that's a good goal for me is to sit down and actually picture, describe, and document what I'd like from a guy.

I can see how some people are going to think "Ah, just get over it.  He was an ass!" 

Ok, I get that.  Then again, I want to portray just how disappointing it is.  And yes, it hurts me, but mostly from the disappointment.  I am disappointed in his behavior, that I got my hopes up, and that I was let down.  Furthermore, I am communicating just how dirty this dating game can be!  For those of you who are married, lucky enough to date the good ones, or just want some entertainment from the multitude of idiotic, lusting assholes that I seem to encounter. 

It makes for a good story, but I sure wish I was being followed by cameramen, makeup artists, hairstylists, and producers catching all of this...not to mention the paycheck that gig would bring about.  Or if this was a juicy tell-all gracing the shelves of bookstores and applications. 

Wouldn't this make an interesting wedding present to my future husband?  To let him know how many snakes slithered out from their musty, sunless rock underlings to make my life more interesting.  And how I cried, or ate ice cream, or drank, or shopped, or bitched to my girls then sucked it up and moved along waiting for his beautiful self to come along. 

Princesses, tell me what you think of these questions.  Should I put an ode to the douchy assholes on the profile?  Should I write a list of my perfect guy qualities?  Do you understand what I'm going through?     


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