No frog title

Haven't much been in the mood to cry about men lately. I lost my job on the 19th of August and I've been frantically searching for one ever since.

Now, I have answered the occasional email and IM from some froggies. It was down to two these last few weeks. Let me elaborate for you.

One is not speaking to me now, he says, because he is having drama with his ex...no thanks, yea you handle that by yourself. I did ask if she was an ex-wife, to which he responded "no". There are no kids involved...well, except that she's having another man's baby. YOWZA! I'd say that's drama. Still, guys have no problem turning off the phone or IM any other time. Why is it that guys like the crazies?

Have you ever noticed the stunning, crazy ones are the ones the guys go head over heels for? Then, they are left hurting or end up crazy for the rest of us to put up with! Now, that doesn't seem fair.

Well, the other guy is a really nice froggie. I like him. He is just down in Killeen so we have visited a few times.

In fact, after dinner with Jamie the other night, I got an impulsive idea to drive down and see him since I didn't have an interview until the late afternoon. He accepted the offer, even though he did think it was quite impulsive and little crazy (see what I mean). But, by the time I got there, he was asleep and since my GPS decided to park me in the middle of a street and say "you have arrived at your destination", I couldn't find his place and he wasn't answering. I went to the gas station, tried to get some better directions, but noone really knew where it might be because it was one of those streets that changes names and weaves throughout the state of TX it seems, like Beltline here in Dallas. So, after spending an hour searching and no return call back, I purchased a sugar-free redbull, Dr. Pepper, and bottle of water and made my way back home. I did enjoy watching the storm both coming to Kileen and back to Dallas. It was far enough away both times that I could see the lightning light up the skies and outline the clouds that filled the broad Texas sky. I was happy to be out of town and away from the stress of things that I knew would be right there waiting on me when I returned. Impulsive, yes. A bit crazy, some would say. Worth it, you betcha!

Back to the frog...when he woke up, realized I wasn't there, and then saw all of the missed calls and texts he returned them and asked what happened. He was genuinely sorry and headed up here to spend the night with me.

But today, I'm left feeling empty. I feel like I've forgotten something. I know that I went to all my interviews. I even job hunted and returned calls instead of napping earlier. I think it's that I'm still not being true to who I am and what I need. Sure, we had a great time and he is a great guy! Neither of us have done anything wrong. That is the only thing I keep thinking of. I want to have that certification that I'm not just a plaything or weekend fling. I don't know how or when that comes, maybe I'm doing the right thing and should just hold on. Maybe it's the twinge of unemployment (which the former firm is disputing now...ugh) AND my ever-present Murphy's law of a dating life causing uneasiness.

I feel like I do better with the long distance relationship, especially military. I tend to chill and freak out less. Backwards, huh?

I am so afraid of shutting doors, that I don't stand up for what I want though. That's the real case here! I want to be married! Now, I'm not running around screaming this to every guy I meet or even mentioning it. It is, however, MY purpose in dating. Other people, including me at other times, have dated for the social aspect or the companionship. It's too soon for me to DTR (define the relationship) with Killeen frog, so I don't want to even think about having that convo. I do want to feel better after having a good visit rather than not though.

Am I just a hormonal, unemployed hot mess right now? Do I have a valid concern AND still have so much going on that it's bringing me to my breaking point? Or is it simply the guilt from the visits that I'm dealing with?