Memories

Earlier in the week, I noted that I miss when my Papa used to ask me "How's your love life?". I would giggle and tell him I didn't have one. When I first fell in love, I could finally answer that question.

Shortly before my Nana passed away, I started wearing one of her rings on my right ring finger. I placed that ring in her casket the day we buried her. To this day, when I am disappointed or upset by a guy that finger aches.

I like to think that she is either comforting or warning me, possibly both.

This week, I felt both feelings. Euphoria from being treated so kindly and an aching in my finger from disappointment. They have been a great reminder of my love for my family as well as the notion that small things like sayings can make the biggest impact. We never know when those memories will come back and comfort us.

I prefer the euphoric feeling of course. I tend to trust face value. I get swept up in feelings quickly. I bet that my love language is words. They can either tear me down or build me up. I place a high value on them. That's the funny thing about words, too. They can be said without truth, logic, or action and still be held with great regard for some. Others take time for them to be shown. At times, I wish I were more of a gift or action love language, but that wouldn't be authentic either.

All I know for certain is that I am single because I do not invest more time than is needed once I feel disappointment. Especially if it is not actively being fixed. One of my biggest pet peeves is being ignored. I tend to worry that something has happened most of all. Then, i worry that something has gone wrong. After that, i just start getting upset and angry. Once I'm there, the thrill is dampened.

I am a great girl with a lot of things going for me. I make myself, my family, and friends happy. I will make a lucky man incredibly happy one day.

Until then, XOXO

You know what rocks?

Being asked out by phone!

It's been such a long time since a man has made that effort and it makes me feel special.

I did it

This morning, I completed the Plano Balloon Festival 5K alone and in 50 minutes!  I was under my goal of 52 minutes from the Katy Trail 5K in May, I did it alone, and I actually jogged the last half mile to make sure that I'd get there in time.  I crossed the finish line crying which quickly turned into a sob by the time I grabbed a cup of Powerade and stood alone on the side.  I was full of emotions: pride, joy, excitement, hope, accomplishment and yet still I felt the twang of loneliness.  Inside I recounted hearing a song on the way, Greg Bates "Did It for the Girl".  I said to myself, out loud even that I wished someone would do it for this girl.  One step at a time though, Kate.  Just like I had hope that I'd cross that finish line, I will find myself at the end of that long isle with a man that adores, honors, and respects me just as much as I will him.  On that day, like today, I will be able to say "I did it!" 

The Wedding Dream

Last Saturday, after my rants regarding the disappointment and bad behavior of the male species, I had my first wedding dream. 

I was in a white dress in a church full of people.  My Dad forgot that he was standing with me to walk me down the isle which is so my Dad.  He went down the isle to sit with my Mom.  I had to run down to get him back so everyone saw me.  I got to the end of the isle to meet my future husband.  All I saw was a tall man with dark hair who tried to kiss me before we took our vows.

I woke up and looked it up in my dream dictionary.  It seems that it's a pretty good dream to have.  It's not like some dreams that are opposite of what you would think.  I read that it means I'm becoming unified with myself, a job, a relationship...something.  I also read that it could mean that I intend on ending up in the good graces of a gentleman that I am seeking. 

It looks like I'll be adding tall with dark hair to my list of wants in a gentleman. 

Have you ever had a wedding dream?  Has it come true yet or did you have a relationship status update shortly thereafter?  I am interested to see what is in store for me! 

Like En Vogue says: "Never gonna' get it, never get it."

Recently, I have had an abundance of inappropriate croaks to choose from.  I'll list a few for entertainment as well as instructional purposes for any frog readers. 

If you are a frog finding that you want to verbalize these things, DON'T!  At least until it is an appropriate time in the RELATIONSHIP!  There, I said it.  If you're not in the market for a relationship with this person, drop the comment or question.  Leave the poor Princess to find another frog that will mind his manners!

*What size bra do you wear?- If they're attractive to you, enjoy them.  If not, hop along!  You probably don't even know what the sizes mean anyway.
*How much do you weigh?- Again, if it looks good, enjoy it.  If not, hop along!  Age and weight are nuthin' but a number.  
*Will you send me a risque pic?- If you have to ask, DON'T!  Use the internet to get your rocks off, sir. 
*Do you mind paying, I left my wallet at home?- This is harsh, tough love here, but if you can't remember your personal belongings why should she?  Mistakes happen, but this kind should not until a secure relationship is in place. 
*Can you pick me up?  I don't have a car and my Mom won't let me borrow the car.- Unless we are still in high school, never EVER say this!  Work out transportation yourself.  Show her (and your family) that you can arrange things and survive on your own. 
*I ignored your attempts to contact me because I was considering another woman.- Just don't!  If you have to consider another, do it quietly.  Keep in touch so as to not burn bridges.  Think about it, man!  I mean if I am a girl giving you this advice, obviously I am smart enough to think it through.  Use your head- the one on your shoulders!
*Can I borrow some cash?- Get a damn job, man! 
*How good do I look?- Eat a Snickers!  You sound like a diva!

And these aren't so much comments or questions as they are behaviors that should be tamed:
*Texting or calling her while she's with her friends, colleagues, or at a party without you.- If you don't want her texting you during your time out, leave her alone!  The Golden Rule will never let you down.
*Bodily sounds or functions.- Rude and uncalled for.  Excuse yourself to the bathroom, dude! 
*Not speaking after your team loses.- Get over yourself!  You didn't do a thing to help the "team" out besides drink beer and eat chips on your sofa. 
*Mistreating pets.
*Talking about past relationships at all in any detail during the first several dates.- Keep your past in the past!  If it's still troubling you, you shouldn't be dating.  If you're proud of it, be proud of it quietly.  If you're trying to make yourself look like a pompous, uncaring asshole you're doing a mighty fine job! 
*Airing your bad habits and quirky traits.- Maybe I'm being a little tough here, but you shouldn't go into details about how annoying or disturbing you are unless you intend on running her off.  Speak in generalities and by all means do not seem proud of being OCD and stuck in your ways!
*Insisting that churchgoing must be completed each week sitting right beside his family.- I am all for attending church together.  However, if it has to be at the same time as your parents in the very same row, what are you trying to prove?  The later service is just as Holy.  There are plenty of hymnals in the third row instead of the back. 

Princesses, I thought this might be a little fun to read over.  Feel free to add in your own suggestions!

Frogs, if you are not seeking a relationship get off of dating websites!  Use the internet for other purposes, get out and get a "massage", or buy a girl a drink or three.  If you intend on being an asshole, not wanting to put your best self forward, are not in the position to court someone, are not interested in her...hop along and enjoy yourself!  There's no sense in hurting a Princess who is looking for that! 

Carry on, fellow hugs and kissers!  MUAH!

XOXO

Douchy Asshole

This one is being written in a state of shock, anger, and absolute disappointment in the male species! 

I have been kicking ass lately!  I was accepted into Grad School which I start on October 11.  I have been doing a kick ass boot camp, Rockstar Fitness, for two weeks along with a low carb diet and have even gone a little over two weeks without soda- big feat for me since I used to drink two 20 oz. Dr. Pepper's a day!  Basically, I continue to work on myself.

I was feeling all confident and shit and decided to check out my match.com profile to see what's going on last night.  I end up finding a message from a guy responding to my Date Spark.  My Date Spark idea was a Ranger's game where there is culture, fun, excitement, sports, and the chance to be on Kiss Cam.  I responded to his message and we started getting to know each other.  Today, he asked me out for this weekend.  But, tonight I was staying in to do laundry, watch a movie and drink some wine.  We chatted anyhow. 

He sent a bathroom pic of himself (not an actual picture of hot) and asked for one in return.  I declined and the conversation stops.  The next text was over an hour later stating that I was "too much and then not enough.  Good Luck." 

Really?  You'd like a tacky bathroom pic before you've even met or courted me and I am expected to oblige because you are a narcissistic idiot!  No wonder you "haven't found the right woman!"  Talk about insecurity and really not even wanting to put forth the effort to have a date!   

I am absolutely OVER guys online about how they are seeking this "right girl" and holding out for marriage, etc.  when, in fact, they either get what they want and move along or don't want to put in the time and effort to attain this "right girl".  Why not just write a profile that says "Hey, I can't or don't want to make it out to the local bar, strip club, or "massage parlor"- plus, I'd rather just pay $39.95 per month and run through a gamut of unsuspecting females that are actually looking for what I'm marketing myself as."   

Is that too forward for me to put on my profile as an example of what I'm NOT looking for?  Sure, I could play your game and be playful and flirty.  Been there done that, ruined plenty of smoky eyes over that game!  You'll end up getting bored or carving that knotch in your bedpost and heading along to the next one.  I'm about at the point where I'm just going to drop the whole being interested in dating or getting to know people because lately each one has been disappointing, hurtful, misleading, or hasn't figured out what the hell they want out of their own lives!  I am not only worth more than that, I deserve and expect entirely more than that!     

Listen, I might not have it all together.  I might not have my entire life planned out.  I know who I am, what my morals are, and I'd at least like to have a few good dates and get to know you before I go taking self portraits in my bathroom mirror.  I figure you'd probably rather see it in person anyhow.  Maybe this is the new species of men and how they "court" a lady.  If so, I am out! 

 

I am constantly working on myself.  I realize that I interrupt people because I get so excited to say what's on my mind.  I understand that that is annoying and rude.  I realize that I am overweight and out of shape.  I am working on that!  I will be the first to admit that being such does not encourage me to want to snap bathroom pics of myself (and send to complete strangers)!  I might not know exactly what I want my perfect man to look like.  It is a fluid idea for me.  He will just "be", I always imagine.

That being said, I am a helluva catch- which is not bragging!  I am a commodity this day in age!  I am 32, single, never married, never engaged, never cohabitated with anyone, I am over my exes and do not bring them up on dates!  I am not your Dallas size 2 bleach blond, but I am the "right girl" for the kind of guy who wants a REAL GIRL. 

I am tired of being disappointed, getting my hopes up to even have a night out with a member of the opposite sex who is not a member of my family, and to be further disappointed when he rears the ugly head of ex-girl talks, requests for asinine, entirely too forward, and completely inappropriate snapshots, and ones that think by my having extra weight makes me a troll, contagious, or somehow sick. 

The guy who will deserve my excitement should be:

• Above all else, a gentleman!
• Christian
• Ambitious without being married to his work (or another woman)
• Handsome- in his own way, no real description here
• Pretty eyes and a nice smile
• Educated
• Healthy, takes care of himself and encourages those around him to do so without pressure or judgment
• Will take his time getting to know and dating me
• Does not have a temper or easily angered!
• Smart, funny, respectful, compassionate
• Willing and able to commit
• A best friend

That's just a few that I could think of tonight.  Maybe that's a good goal for me is to sit down and actually picture, describe, and document what I'd like from a guy.

I can see how some people are going to think "Ah, just get over it.  He was an ass!" 

Ok, I get that.  Then again, I want to portray just how disappointing it is.  And yes, it hurts me, but mostly from the disappointment.  I am disappointed in his behavior, that I got my hopes up, and that I was let down.  Furthermore, I am communicating just how dirty this dating game can be!  For those of you who are married, lucky enough to date the good ones, or just want some entertainment from the multitude of idiotic, lusting assholes that I seem to encounter. 

It makes for a good story, but I sure wish I was being followed by cameramen, makeup artists, hairstylists, and producers catching all of this...not to mention the paycheck that gig would bring about.  Or if this was a juicy tell-all gracing the shelves of bookstores and applications. 

Wouldn't this make an interesting wedding present to my future husband?  To let him know how many snakes slithered out from their musty, sunless rock underlings to make my life more interesting.  And how I cried, or ate ice cream, or drank, or shopped, or bitched to my girls then sucked it up and moved along waiting for his beautiful self to come along. 

Princesses, tell me what you think of these questions.  Should I put an ode to the douchy assholes on the match.com profile?  Should I write a list of my perfect guy qualities?  Do you understand what I'm going through?     

I know why YOU'RE still single and this leads to why I'M still single! Buh-Bye

 

Aged toad with the spirit of a tadpole- a tragic example of douchebaggery.

I recently dated a mature, rather maturely aged frog, for about three weeks.  10 days of that I spent on vacation with my family.  The dear frog prince and I kept in touch while I was out of town.  He even made plans for a date when I returned!  Thoughtful and impressive indeed! 

 

That is until he dropped off the face of the Earth.  Ladies, have you ever had that where everything's going fine and then- nothing, not one word!  I know that if a dear frog prince wants to speak to a princess he hops over to her lillipad, texts her iFrogPhone, emails her Macphibian, stops at nothing to get what he desires.  Naturally, I didn't sweat it at first.  Sure, I was concerned and instantly started listing possible reasons as to why.  After about a day and a half I became increasingly frustrated that my dear frog prince had insisted on seeing me, but had broken our plans and now disappeared.  I sent the dear frog prince a text message to his iFrogPhone from mine.  When this was unreturned, I wrote again "what's up?" hoping to at least have an explanation.  When none arrived, I decided to let him have a piece of my mind.  I stated that I was disappointed that he had sought to see me this week, but became unresponsive and wished him good luck in the future.  Sweet, could be seen as passive aggressive, but nonetheless a note showing my disapproval.  No reaction came from these series of messages. 

 

I had a few glasses of Riesling and a couple fajitas.  It took me about a day to get through the confusion and get to anger.  I ended our Words with Friends game because, after all, we are not friends.  I removed him from facebook, deleted him from my contacts and even updated my SD card so that he would be gone for good!  There would be no chance of me writing again and continuing to irritate myself. 

 

A couple of days later I received text messages from the bullfrog extraordinaire.  He was "going through a lot, still wanted to see me, and asked if he could call."  Bleeding hearts of the frog pond!  Sorry, dude!  You chose not to respect me enough to acknowledge my communication and provide me with answers PLUS I had a date that night.  I rebounded before that ball even hit the ground!  High five, Princesses!  Anyhow, he continued to send "???".  What?  Are you upset that I'm not acknowledging or participating in communication with you?  Maybe I too "have a lot going on".  It's called life, bullfrog!  Shutting people out doesn't make problems go away or get any worse.  When I got tired of the third set of "???" I responded that he could call if he liked or say whatever he had to via text.  Good choice, sir.  My sarcastic and unforgiving tone is killer via text but it is absolutely undeniably matter-of-fact when heard. 

 

He responded that his ex, a married woman, reappeared and requested his duties as a boyfriend again.  He was hurt by her and needed to think about it.

 

Wow, yes, when someone hurts me I immediately give them consideration for another go.  Especially when I've got a perfectly good thing going on.  Nope, ditch that and go back to drama, infidelity, and uncertainty.  That's the road to happiness and sure is exciting, bullfrog.  I'm pretty sure he didn't like that because I got an "understood" back from him. 

 

I responded with a few tips for him to consider in the future:

1. Don't hurt someone who hasn't hurt you.
2. Honesty is always the best policy.

Then I said that I hoped she straightened up for him. 

 

He reassured me, as much as a typing bullfrog who's given great consideration to return to a relationship with a married woman can give that it is over between them, that I am a great girl, and that he would like to see me.

 

I never responded, but if I receive "???" my response will have to be "Yes, I am a great girl.  I deserve more than what you have to offer me.  Good day, sir!"

 

Princesses, this was a hard lesson for me to learn in the past, but no matter what the situation if your dear frog prince has disappointed you and won't apologize, make amends, or offer up a solution to the problem- he is not really interested in working on it.  And if someone cannot communicate through a troubled time, they do not deserve to communicate with you during their good times.  If a dear frog prince refuses to acknowledge a communication sent by you, he is being disrespectful and obviously does not have the cojones of a fruit fly to tell you whatever he thinks will hurt you so badly.  And in the end, yes, it might hurt for a little while.  In my case, I would rather a person shoot straight with me and let me decide what hurts and how to handle it.  It hurts me more to just not know.  Of course, it's usually only for a few days, but it could have been settled sooner.  Lastly, if he is being disrespectful, there is a broken trust and no kind of relationship will work without trust! 

 

I am proud to say that I have spoken my mind and stood up for myself twice this week!  It feels amazing and I'm wondering 'who is this girl'?  But, I figure that things might suck if I don't say it, things might suck if I do.  I might as well get them out!  I definitely wasn't interested in standing by and having someone think that I am just OK with the situation and go on not knowing my side.  I don't like being a bitch, but I am damn good at when I need to be! 

 

Amen, pass the salt! 

 

Keep your head up and your lips puckered, Princesses!  The real dear frog prince doesn't forget how to use his iFrogPhone when shit gets real!

 

XOXO